Which relationship model are you using?
We’ve found that mental models for relationships can be very helpful. Two of our favorites are what we term “entity” and “conversation”.
“Entity” is the view that a relationship is not just “you and me”, but rather has an existence of it’s own – a bit like a Corporation, which is a legal entity set up by people to do business. People are using this model when they ask “What is best for the relationship?” or “How will this affect the relationship?”. A dead giveaway that a couple operates from the “entity” model is when you hear them say “We” a lot, as in “We love Italian food”. You may find that habit irritating, but a recent study showed that those couples are far more likely to have a relationship that is both satisfying and lasting.
In the next relationship tip, we will be looking at the “conversation” model. We will also look at what happens when you and your partner are using different relationship models.
Did you find this tip helpful? Agree or disagree strongly? Let us know.
Tags: mental models, relationship advice, relationship tips, relationships
I imagine most couples are using some (largely unconscious) combination model–of these two you mention, plus others. Personally I am a bit tickled by the entity model and instantly came up with a name for the entity my partner and I share! (That was fun!) My question is, how to strike a balance between having knowledge and understanding of how things work, for example, man-woman interactions on myriad levels; and maintaining the spark. For instance, I know people in the music business who cannot hear music without applying their professional expertise to it, and thus they come away unable to enjoy something that those blissfully ignorant of the inner workings, so to speak, are able to do.
I see that this line of thought could go on quite a while and get very complicated, I just want to say thank you for clarifying these two models, showing how useful it is to be conscious of one’s own “operating system” as it were, and to be aware that we even HAVE one.
Much appreciation, Victoria